Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Thinking of HIm...

Sometimes I wonder if life is really as it seems. Somehow, I can't seem to forget about certain memories that took place for the past 4 years in my life. I try my best to move on but maybe my heart is telling me to do otherwise but there should be no reason to hold back. I think about all those pain and tears that I've shed for someone that I cared about and it still hurts to remember how much suffering that I went through. I know that I seem foolish but I can't help but think about the possibilities.

The truth is that person never cared about my feelings or about me. I was just a burden that made his life miserable and I am ashamed at myself for pulling us both down. I regret looking at him and thinking of the chances of him feeling the same as me but it will always be impossible. I can see that now but I am trying to erase every memory of him from my life. I even remember the day my heart broke when I found out about his girlfriend and I pretended that everything was alright but actually it wasn't. I would lock myself in my own room and cry for someone I barely knew. I actually wasted those 4 years on someone who barely knew of my existance and I am still doing it now. I felt like he knew of my feelings and he kept tormenting me until my walls crumbled. I destroyed myself for a fool who will never like me!!! I hated his arrogance and pride but I loved his courage and dtermination. I never forgave him for doing what I believed to have been my job but I can't change that now.
I believe that we meet people for a reason and his presence in my life has made me stronger. I won't be guilable anymore towards anyone and I am ready to face the world slowly. I hope one day if we ever met again that I would be able to thank him for his contribution towards my sucess but for now I offer a friendly farewell to him.

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